Today

Let it be known that March 26th, 2009 was the most shittest day of 2009.

I predict a even shitter weekend. 

I wonder if I can turn into a nun, and rid my mind of any emotional matters of the heart. Hello! Sounds like a fucking awesome ass idea. Yes. 

I downed a 2-liter of Dr.Pepper in 5 minutes. This is how depressed I am. Oh yeah, you heard it now--I'm depressed and there is nothing that can change that.

It all started with a letter

This letter can either make me or break me. We shall see.

Oh god, I'm so praying I get a call.

Hm

I just downloaded 2GB's worth of Deftones music. All of their music to be exact. So happy. I also downloaded all of Tim Skold's tunes, which wasn't alot but its great nonetheless. Thanks Eve. ;) I also downloaded Thirteenth Step and Mer De Noms by A Perfect Circle today. I love APC, have been since HS. :D 

Oh, how I love to download music. Listen to how awesome Deftones is, please.

Eveytime I hear this song it gives me these neverending goosebumps. As if my gut knows how fucking sexy and beautiful this song is, honestly. It drives me insane, in a good way. ;) 

And like everyone says, yes it is a good sex song but we will not get into that. Hah. 

Hello

My name is Jin and I'm fucking pissed off right now. 

I don't ever want to fall in love again

Too many delays and pounding hearts,

Beating the symphony of my solitude,

My hand is cramping with ache of your rejection,

These words are staining through the paper,

Staining with the thickness that was my hope for you,

And now,

I never want to fall in love again,

I don't ever want to cry again,

And I don't want to waste anymore time on someone else,

And I never want to fall in love again

Countless nights spents dreaming of a future with you,

Perhaps how your hand would melt into mine, Oh so foolish,

Replaying your smile like a nightmare in my head,

How I wish I could be the reason for your happiness,

And now,

I never want to fall in love again,

I don't ever want to cry again,

And I don't want to waste time no more,

And I never want to fall

Fall that I can't get up,

Fall that I can't wake up,

Fall that I can't stand up on my own,

Love that I can't breathe,

Love that I can't sleep,

Love that I can't count on my own,

And now,

I never want to fall in love again,

I don't want to deal with the pain no more,

I don't ever want to cry again,

And I don't want to waste time no more,

I never want to fall in love,

I never want to fall in love,

I never want to fall in love,

With anyone else.

Unfinished Memories

I didn't mean for you to leave like that.

Sometimes I have a hard time understanding what you want, or what you need, or what you meant to say. Sometimes I'm stupid. Sometimes I'm stubborn. Sometimes I'm too blunt. Sometimes I don't understand. But I want to understand. I want you to show me how to understand. Time is nothing when it comes to you--because when I'm with you, talking to you, seeing you, time dissapeares and it just feels like we're in a sense of forever. I know things seem impossible at times, but when I feel that way, I just remember your smile and how I want to be the reason for that smile for the rest of my life.

I don't want things to happen overnight. I don't want everything next month, or the next. I want patience with whatever we're doing, or decide to do. If I can be in your life, somehow or another, then I'll take it and be grateful. Like I've said, I'll take you however you'll let me have you.

I love you until the end of the world. I always will. 

And I'll say sorry, because I didn't make you smile tonight when you went to sleep. 

Forgive me, please.

Random Facts

Perhaps you guys would like to know me a bit better. Here are the basics of yours truly.

1. I was born in Guatemala City, and supposedly I was wrapped in newspaper when I was born. I'm not sure how I feel about this, but it's true.

2. I have lived in California for the majority of my life, but I did spend 4 years in Florida.

 

3. I've been in about 6 car accidents; the last one nearly killed me.

4. I have a paranoia of being without my cellphone.

5. My favorite sodas are in this order: Dr.Pepper, Mountain Dew, Sprite, Crush Orange.

6. I'm pretty much a computer/game nerd.

7. I have dyed my hair more than 30 times.

8. I have a strange fascination for neon colored things.

9. I think androgynous looking men are so cool.

10. There are three things I notice of a guy first: Hair, hands, clothes.

11. I may get called stuck up by knowing what I want to do with my life.

12. I have a 1990 Honda Accord sport LX named Robert.

13. 90% of my closet is filled with black.

14. I hated Highschool.

15. When I like someone, they have all of me.

16. I love Disney things, and Disneyland.

18. I rather stay home and watch movies than go out and club.

19. I have one tattoo, and I want more.

20. I'm a hopeful romantic.

Doctor

I honestly have to go see the doctor. I am pretty much a fucked up person inside, and all this pain is killing me. No, I'm not depressed, I mean that I'm in way too much physical pain for this to be normal.

Who knows, I could be dying of stomach ulcers or kidney stones. I don' know, but I know one thing; Doctor's appointment a.s.a.p. I have to take care of myself better, I do. 

Moment

I heard this song my Aiden tonight, and well..I really like it. Alot.

I will wait for this moment when our lips collide and almost stop the earth.
You're in my arms tonight.

So I've come to complicate the dead,
are you with me?
I've written out all my vows again.
We're almost home to see the silence break on new years eve.
We're only seventeen.

If love exists I will fall

I will wait for this moment when our lips collide and almost stop the earth.
You're in my arms tonight.

Just one more kiss to soothe the pain exist in a world of lies.
Misery take my shame alive.
When everything that fails a violent death the smile you gave.
Visit me in hell tonight and say,

If love exists I will fall

I will wait for this moment when our lips collide and almost stop the earth.
You're in my arms tonight.

I will wait for this moment when our lips collide and almost stop the earth.
You're in my arms tonight.

So I'm alive in love (I'm alive in love)
So I'm alive in love (I'm alive in love)
So I'm alive in love (I'm alive in love)
So I'm alive in love (I'm alive in love)

I feel so alive, I feel so alive tonight.
I feel so alive, I feel so alive you can't stop this feeling.
I feel so alive, I feel so alive tonight.
I feel so alive, I feel so alive you can't stop this feeling.
If love exists I WILL FALL.

I will wait for this moment when our lips collide and almost stop the earth.
You're in my arms tonight.

I will wait for this moment when our lips collide and almost stop the earth.
You're in my arms tonight.

I will wait for this moment when our lips collide and almost stop the earth.
You're in my arms tonight. 

Angel in Disguise

Wrote this a week ago or so. 

No I can't sleep,

No I can't dream,

In this neverending city,

And their crowded streets,

filled with hopeless beats,

That belong to the hearts

That uset to believe

I need my faith,

Come cross my faith..

My angel in disguise,

Can you save my world?

And give back the faith of our sins,

Don't let them take the last thing I own

I lost my fate, I lost my heart,

But I won't lose you,

My angel in disguise

Countless days have been spent,

Walking and searching for the bible

That holds our truths and lies all in one,

Won't I find my answer?

Won't I find a reason to live, once more

I need my faith,

Come unblind my faith

Angel in disguise

Can you save my world?

And give back the faith of our sins,

Don't let them take the last thing I own

I lost my fate, I love my heart

But I won't lose you,

I won't lose you

There is no betrayal when there is nothing to betray,

I'm raging inside with insecurities,

And can't stand the thought of losing you

Angel in disguise

Can you save my world?

And giveback the faith of our sins,

Don't let them take the last thing I own.

Angel in disguise,

You saved my world,

And gave back the meaning to live,

I didn't let them take,

The last thing I own,

I didn't lose my life,

I didn't lose you.

Teenagers

So...I have been on Myspace for a couple of years now. Sad, I know, but it keeps me connected to old friends and whatnot. Anyways..

As I'm always searching and browsing my old friends from HS profiles', I can't help but feel just so extremely lucky. Most of them are out doing drugs, smoking till they can't breathe, having sex wih their exes on a day-to-day basis..bottom line they're wrecks. 

It somewhat saddens me because I know how much they're all capable of, but just won't use that for anything good. And at the same time, I feel so goddamn proud of myself.

In college, job, good standing with grades, good family and friends..I have everything I need to live comfortably, and I worked hard for all of that I did. So I deserve it.

So to those young teenagers still following trends and doing what your friends tell you to: Stop, and get your head out of those cotton candy clouds no matter how much their sugary fumes are addicting. 

What worries more is..I have to keep an eye out on my younger sister since she's going through all of this. But I'll be damned if she ever does drugs or smokes, I don't know what I'll do. I can't accept the fact they're growing up. I want to encase them in a snowglobe and shake them up in this glitter that will keep them my baby sisters forever. I don't want them to see and witness the things that are out there. But..alas..it is inevitable. 

I must prepare for the worse. Oh my, I think I'm being my cynical self again.

Fizzling waters

You know when you're sitting at the edge of the pool, and you can see the reflection of the sun on the water and on the pavement below? For some reason, that is very calming to me. Light through water, sure it seems like a normal thing, but to me it's just beautiful in way. Especially if we're able to get a rainbow coming out from the lake, now that is neat. When I'm in water, I feel like everything is being washed away and at that moment in time it feels like I'm floating. Not just floating cause I'm in the water, but because something as simple as water is helping me do that. 

Me and my odd thoughts.

Today I'm supposed to be meeting Static-X at the Inland Mall. I am semi-excited. I should be more excited. It'd be more exciting if someone came with me. Exciting.

Okay, no more of that.

But seriously, this day needs to make a good turn right about..

Oh and!

lolol. 

There you go Eve. :) I'll nominate others later! The album title was surprisingly from Einstein.

Oh

When I look in your eyes, I can see the story of our destiny.

Three more days

So I have moved to a new house, and hence why I haven't been on the internet for a long while. Thankfully I have my sidekick to keep me company, and even more thanks to Jay for keeping me company in these lonely days.


Everything in the house is in order and well kept, and we've only been in the house for...3 days or 4..something like that. We did a good job. :)

I am really looking forward to Friday, mostly because I get my internet back and I get to spend all evening with Jay.

Damn it, I am dying of starvation. Typing this at work, and it's time to leave.

:D

Why me?

Oh, woe is me.

Make what you will of this.

I feel like writing something quickly:

Tell me why it stings when looking straight into the sun,

Or why it bleeds when it seems to yearn,

Why it sighs at the sound of your silence,

Or hopes that seem to crumble at your existance,

Dreams that seem to fade with every minute,

Or tears that seem to dry at the touch of reality,

Tell me why I keep going on,

When there isn't anything to look forward to,

Tell me why this is hurting,

Tell me why this is stinging,

Tell me one last thing,

Why me?

What's in a story?

The following thoughts and words are to help me figure out the basic point and story behind an essay that is due for my English 101 class:

What's in a story my assignment sheet says. After having a basic discussion with David Fry, we both came to a conclusion. "Stories all have a kernel of truth hidden inside." Along with hidden truth, I suppose all stories usually have characters or inanimate objects posing as the main subjects within the book. Theme, settings, mood, music, climax are only some of the basic things that make up a story. But what do these all exactly mean?

Why do we need characters? Why do we need a theme? Or even a setting? Does a story need music to help us capture the message? But most importantly, why do we need stories and what do they do for us?

Stories have been around for thousands of years. Seeing as back in the old days, people didn't have many (if any) form of entertainment, so stories would be told to pass the time. Tall tales have more than one purpose than just passing time, it can also help teach a certain lesson in a way of fiction that blant words can begin to grasp the idea of the message the person wants to pass on. For example, take a family of 2 younger kids and a loving couple. The kids happen to be rowdy and not getting to bed early, and said couple really want them to get to sleep. Typical words as "Go to sleep Johnny and Susy" don't really cut it for the kids. The siblings continue not sleeping and disregarding what their parents have told them. But if the parents were to tell a story about the sandman per say, it would have the entire focus of the kids, then putting them at ease and allowing them to sleep.

The above explanation works mostly among kids, whom have yet to really adapt to a sense of reality, hence why they believe the boogie monster is hiding under his or her bed, or in the closet. But that is not to say that stories with similar messages can't work on older people. If they wouldn't, do you think we would have books?

But now, let us see what we all think what's inside a story. Stories all have a core, and this core I have come to believe that there is a subliminal message for every story alike. Of course, the messages can be brought up differently, perhaps with pictures or definitions of pictures, but nevertheless it is inside the story itself. But how do we pick up these hidden kernels of truth and purpose?

I'm sure there are psychological terms that I'm not able to name at the moment, but it all has to do with your subconscious mind. But what does that specific mind do with these messages? They can turn them into easy learned lessons of life, or perhaps some type of guidance to a problem one may have, or even a guideline of hope and motivation that one has been meaning to seek to give them that extra push.

Now, whether or not we need stories, that is something up to the reader. I mean..you are here reading this aren't you? We all have our reasons on why we do the things we do, so I won't touch basics on that. I'll let you form your own opinion on said question.

Do stories change lives? I like to believe that they do. Among with taking the message in, it changes you, and molds you just enough for you to be a better person. Although, there are books that do quite the opposite, or your mind could translate the message an entirely different direction, it all has the same roots.

Stories. Passed on from generation to generation, heritage to heritage, families to families, and events to events. No matter wherever you step, or write, or even speak a word--at that very moment you are making a story yourself.

Super Friends

I drew this for Jay. Hope you get a smile out of it when you see it. Oh man, I haven't drawn powerpuff girl style in FOREVER. More like..4 years. lol! It's how I started drawing. :) 

I'll put more of my drawings later. My scanner sucks too, srsly.

Healing

If you haven't noticed my lack of updates, well then I will attempt to entertain you with a short story or an excuse. Although a story would take mild effort to put right now, and an excuse is just the easier route to go..I think perhaps I'll just update a little and let you on what has been going on.

I haven't really been feeling so much up to writing.

Nothing new has been going on since the last post, other than I'm completely over it. Life goes on, I know this, but yet it still kinda hurts. Not that much though. Things happen for a reason (or so I like to say to myself for comfort). I've been talking to my friend Jay recently, alot more actually. 

Jay is an interesting fellow. He seems to think faster than he can speak, and I find this quite endearing. For some odd strange reason, he also things I'm positively hilarious, which I don't know why but he does. As long as I'm making him laugh and smile, it's all good then yeah? We were supposed to spend a bit of time together chatting today, but it seems I got preoccupied with taking out Jimy and David shopping.

Apparently I'm a cheuffer now. Joyous.

We went to eat at Cuca's Mexcian Resteraunt, and I had some wet burrito there. It was alright. I really had my heart, mind, and stomach set on Chipotle today, but they didn't want to go there, which I can't figure out why since Chipotle is so bloody godly. Jay agrees. 

Jay said something along the lines..

I would kill two human beings for Chipotle right now.

We both obviously have a craving and love for Chipotle, which makes us even better for each other. You hear that Jay? Cause I know you'll be reading this when you're at work today.

We are good for one another! And I don't care if you beat me at guitar hero.

Well I must carry off for sleep, I have psychology class at 9:30 and won't be back home till around 6 in the evening. Work. :( Hopefully I can just chill at the front desk and look pretty.

Oh...

How do you like the new layout guys?!

Flying fuck.

I got dumped, cause of the distance.

He said he didn't want me.

Can someone explain to me how severe bipolar disorder occurs in such a small time frame?